I’m
typing this as I’m in the train, on the way to work. My thoughts are
all fumbled up, but I want to keep these raw emotions in my memories
forever so I’m hastily writing now.
I
quarreled with my mum this morning. Not exactly those kind of big
fights you will see on typical Korean dramas. Just a bicker over
differing opinions. Personally, I hate it when I see other people pass
judgements on people’s looks, appearance etc, sometimes even when they
don’t even know those people. My parents has this habit of doing it.
Like seeing people on the street and saying things like “Wah see that
girl so fat!” Or “Wah see the guy so much shorter than the gf” I know
they absolutely mean no harm, it’s just a topic for conversation if I
can put it that way. I mean they are not the only ones, I hear so many
of such body shaming remarks everyday in the office, and it irks me so
much and I feel so angry with myself because I don’t have the courage to
fight back for my friends who are victims of such comments. Don’t get
me wrong, I am definitely not some angel that makes no rude comments. I
do, I’m only human. Sometimes in a fit of anger, I can’t help but have
all these harsh comments running through my head. But I like to think
that I am more conscious in what I say to people, especially if it’s
personal remarks that I know can potentially hurt someone’s feelings.
And I definitely do not make fun/ say derogatory comments towards people
just for the sake of a convo starter.
I
don’t know why I am so affected by it, maybe it’s because I have
struggled with body image issues in the past, maybe it’s because I know
how it feels to be called names. I can tell you for sure that no one
ever wants to be called fat, no one ever wants to be called ugly, I
certainly don’t think those bigger sized people made a deliberate choice
to be big sized. I mean, you can say “yeah too bad, they did not love
themselves, they brought it upon themselves”.
And
then, SO WHAT?? Okay, they did not make good food choices, they are big
sized. And then, so?? Does that give you any right to judge them for
how they look? Everyone has a story behind them, they might be bigger
sized Cos of their love for food, they might be bigger Cos of a medical
condition, why are you so quick to judge? And in any case, does your
judgement change anything? All it does is cause them to evoke a sense of
self hate and guilt, and you have no right to make them feel that way.
No one should ever have the right to make someone feel less worthy than
others. You can argue that alerting them can make them aware of the
health issues that can come with being overweight, but I don’t believe
this is the right way to do it. There are so many other ways you can
nicely tell them, encourage them to go for a run together with you etc
etc, so why does body shaming justify as a way to create awareness? No
it does not, and it should never be the way to go.
I
digress from the main point of my quarrel, but it was something related
to the above rant. So my mum loves buying dresses for me but she always
likes to add remarks like “I think you can’t fit into the dress”, “I
think it will be too tight for you”, “I think M size you confirm can’t
wear, your Sister can wear”. I mean like, does saying all these make me
feel any better? If you think I can’t wear it, then why buy it for me in
the first place and make all these comments? Of course I understand my
mum’s heart, I know she’s buying all these out of love for us, and I
definitely know she does not mean anything bad saying all these, but
yeah I just don’t like it (going back to my previous point). So the same
thing happened this morning and I told her I could wear the dress but
she insisted I won’t be able to fit. So I told her, “okay then you can
give it to Jie to wear.” And then my mum got angry with me for being
angry with her. #angryception
I
left the house for work, leaving our quarrels unresolved and feeling a
bit upset at how things always turn out this way whenever she buys
clothes for me. It almost always ends up with this conclusion, of both
of us being angry with each other and she calling me sensitive and I
calling her insensitive. Hahaha Guess we are both ironically sensitive
people for reacting the way we did.
So
now as I am on my way to work, just before I wrote this, I came across
an article on LinkedIn talking about a new employee who asked her boss
if she could take leave for a family vacation on her 2nd day of work.
She said that the vacation was important to her dad and she needed to
take that leave. And that got me thinking, that sometimes we forget what
is the most important thing to us. We always neglect family time for
friends, for work, treat our houses like hotels, have minimal
conversations with the parents, the list goes on. I quarrel with my mum
over the most senseless and unimportant things, and make her sad when
all she thought of was to buy something nice for her Daughter. I
remembered her face of disappointment as I left the house this morning,
and I feel so bad about it. Sighh, we always regret things after they
happen. I hope I can learn from this episode and treat my family better
because they are everything to me.
